


The First Night was my Last

by RicePips



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: A bit of swearing, Days after, Episode: s05e06 Timeless, F/M, Memories, Promises, missed moment, the night before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17982530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicePips/pseuds/RicePips
Summary: Chakotay had proven himself stronger than Harry, he wasn’t about to let a bunch of stuck-up Admirals, who hadn’t seen command in years, break him that easily. They could shove their accusations where the sun failed to shine. He wanted to get this over with and allow himself time to get his head straight - if that could ever be possible...





	The First Night was my Last

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters or the world in which they reside. 
> 
> However, Timeless....now that was one hell of an episode that could have been a series all on its own.
> 
> There’s a bit of swearing towards the end - you have been warned.
> 
> Enjoy. X

Chakotay sat across from the panel of so-called experts. Starfleet’s finest sat, hands either steepled or poised over their notes, eyes sharp and perceptive.

It was becoming a regular occurrence.

Since they - and by ‘they’ he meant just Harry and himself - had unceremoniously crashed into the Alpha Quadrant and Federation space just a mere seven days ago, he hadn’t spent a day without repeating the same story, the same truth, over and over again.

The questions were worded differently, but the meaning the same.

Why are you here and _Voyager_ is not?

It was beginning to feel like he was on trial, the accused, a villain for them to use in the enormous media frenzy their return had stirred. 

He’d barely had time to process, to figure things out, to grieve.

They’d already broken Harry with their accusations veiled beneath professional debriefs.

He was currently in hospital, under heavy medication and 24-7 counselling.

For Chakotay, he’d proven himself stronger, he wasn’t about to let a bunch of stuck-up Admirals, who hadn’t seen command in years, break him that easily. They could shove their accusations where the sun failed to shine. He wanted to get this over with and allow himself time to get his head straight - if that could ever be possible.

“Tell us about the night before the mission,” asked Admiral Something-or-Other, Chakotay couldn’t remember and frankly didn’t care.

The question threw him, they’d not asked this before.

He frowned, “I don’t understand?”

“What was the mood like? What was the preparation process?” the Admiral explained, his eyes narrow and tone suggesting he was waiting for Chakotay to trip up.

The night before the mission slid seamlessly into his mind, standing next to Kathryn by the newly installed drive in Engineering, confetti fluttering around them. He recalled watching her, noting the confetti in her hair, the brightness of her eyes, he recalled thinking how beautiful she was.

He blinked the memory away and shifted in his chair.

“There were many meetings regarding the mission,” he began carefully. “The mood was hopeful, excited, confident even.”

“Tell us more about these meetings,” a different, not-worth-their-salary-Admiral said, clearly not happy with his vague response.

“I fail to see the relevance?” Chakotay replied, attempting to buy more time.

This wasn’t the right thing to say and there were murmurs and sharp intakes of breath.

“The relevance is obvious, Mr Chakotay,” the Admiral said in steely tones, his _Voyager_ rank not recognised within this room. “We need the full picture, just what was being discussed, if anyone voiced any concerns?”

The room shifted and he was back on _Voyager_ sat opposite Kathryn in her quarters, wine glasses in front of them both.

“Show any engineer and they’d say the risks were too great,” he recalled saying.

He’d voiced his concerns, but as with everything Kathryn Janeway, it wasn’t what she wanted to hear and so discarded it instantly.

He’d been so enraptured by her, so blinded by the way she looked at him, so captivated and so in love, he would have agreed to anything. The memory slid away and he was once more in the room.

Chakotay huffed slightly and folded his arms, “Everything was planned very carefully. There was no reason why it wouldn’t work.”

“So, the hours before launch, how were they spent?” Admiral Nobody (as Chakotay liked to think of her) questioned, consulting some notes in front of her.

The memory came flooding back, and he was there, stood gazing out of the viewport in Kathryn’s quarters, the dinner table abandoned, soft music playing and gentle candle light flickering around the room. In his hand he held a glass of strong malt, ice cubes tinkling slightly as he moved.

“This time tomorrow,” Kathryn said, her voice gentle and hopeful as she came to stand by his side. “Fate willing, there will be Earth out there.”

He turned and smiled at the hopeful and excited expression on her face.

“Our first night in the Alpha Quadrant in a long time,” he said. “How will you be spending it?”

He didn’t miss the way she let her gaze slide to his lips, her whole body language throughout the evening had given him hope that finally his dreams and fantasies would come true.

She looked away, “Before I answer that,” she began. “There’s something I need to say, need you to know.”

Chakotay felt his heart sink, “Go on,” he said, trying to swallow back the lump in his throat. He sipped his malt to give him something to concentrate on.

She set her own glass down and turned to him, taking his glass from his hand and setting it aside. She sighed softly and took his hand.

“I’m not so reckless and naïve that I do not recognise the potential danger tomorrow,” she began.

“I never said...” he began to protest.

She shook her head and smiled, “I’m stubborn, pig-headed, determined and hell, yes, a bit reckless.”

“Only a bit?” he teased.

Kathryn smiled, but it became sad, reflective; she squeezed his hand, “If by some terrible twist of fate, it goes wrong tomorrow...”

“It won’t,” he cut in, squeezing back at her hand.

“Hear me out,” she insisted. “If we don’t make it, if _Voyager_ doesn’t make it, promise me you’ll get to the Alpha Quadrant?”

“Of course,“ he said, his voice thick with the unthinkable prospect of losing _Voyager_ , losing her.

“But come back for us, whatever state we might be in, please, find us,“ she pleaded, eyes searching his.

“Kathryn...”

“I need to know that at least the crew will get home, that their bodies will at least be returned to their families, they will need that closure,” Kathryn said, her voice like steel as she managed to get through her speech. “Promise me?”

Chakotay smiled and lifted up their joined hands to kiss the back of hers, “I promise,” he said. “But there’s not going to be any need, we will all get home tomorrow.”

Kathryn’s face lit up and she rested her free hand against his chest in that oh-so-familiar move of hers.

“What would I do without you?” she asked, her voice cracking slightly. She reached up to place a kiss against his cheek, but the moment she broke that personal space, her lips against his cheek, they both knew this was not going to be a chaste moment between friends.

They both paused. A moment that seemed to last eternity as they both weighed up how the other felt.

And then they both turned their heads towards each other and their lips met for the first time.

There was no doubting where this night was now heading.

They spent the night making love to each other. It was hot and passionate, tender and slow, it was everything they’d both imagined and more.

It was hard to believe it had only been a week ago, it felt like a lifetime already.

“Mr Chakotay? Are you well?”

The voice brought him back into the room once more and he had to give his head a shake to rid the memory of Kathryn Janeway in his arms.

“I’m fine,” he muttered.

“I asked about the final hours, how they were spent?” the Admiral commented.

Chakotay inhaled sharply and narrowed his eyes, “Getting some rest,” he shrugged. Kathryn’s voice echoed through his mind as he’d left her bed that morning.

“Tomorrow we won’t be getting up,” she’d grinned at him.

He looked away from the perceptive eyes of the panel.

“I think we shall end it there,” Admiral Nobody announced.

As the panel stood, Chakotay looked at them.

“When will the rescue mission take place?” he asked. “I want to be involved.”

He instantly noticed the atmosphere change and the glances that passed along the panel.

“Mr Chakotay,” began Admiral Something-or-Other as he sat back down. “We have studied the data and the star charts, but the odds of finding _Voyager_ are extremely remote.”

“But..”

“It would be an impossible task, one we don’t have the manpower to tackle,” the Admiral continued.

“You have the finest scientists and mathematicians at your disposal,” Chakotay protested, his voice shaking with anger. “It’s not impossible.”

“Even if we could narrow down the search, limit the potential trajectory, it would take a rescue crew too long to reach the location and in all honesty, all reports suggest there would be little to recover,” the Admiral explained. “I’m sorry, but there can’t be, and won’t be, any rescue mission.”

“Bull shit!” Chakotay exclaimed, standing up and overturning his chair as he did so, his fists clenching angrily. It had been a long time since he’d used such an expletive, but as he was quickly finding, Starfleet brought out the worst in him.

“Mr Chakotay!” exclaimed Admiral Nobody.

“If you won’t find them, I will!” he snapped. “This is a matter of life or death!”

“Mr Chakotay, you know very well it’s a matter of death and we cannot finance that,” Admiral Nobody said coldly.

“Fuck you and your finances,” Chakotay spat. “You can shove your panels and your pointless questions. I’m done here. If you won’t do anything, then I will.”

He stormed away, the panel shouting threats after him.

“Hang on, Kathryn,” he muttered as the door shut behind him. “I’m coming.”

He didn’t realise it would take fifteen years to complete that promise.


End file.
